areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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