Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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