My friends, they love my intelligence
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
