So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
