Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sext me about skeletons
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
