I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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