I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
