God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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