i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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