I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
