exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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