so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
