Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
