you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we're making bets on your personal life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
