I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to sanitize my soul.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
