just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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