I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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