im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
