I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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