there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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