She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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