You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
