sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
