it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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