i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
