I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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