Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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