cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize