This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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