yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i love accidental penises.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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