I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
