Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
