While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
