you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
