also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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