Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This house was built for laser tag.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
