In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
