I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
