i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
