I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
