You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
