.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
