While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
