i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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