at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize