we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
