Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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