We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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