I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
