I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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