There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
