Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
