i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
