I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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