If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
