Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
