I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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