When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
