I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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