The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
