We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So vagazzling was a success
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
