ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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