girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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