I wish I could punch you in the face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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