I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
