FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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