I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
