He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
