man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize