I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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