yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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