I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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