you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
