Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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