Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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