i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
