i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
