What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
