Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
